2012: Internet Armegeddon, Preparing for the Eventual End

Well my friends the end is near, no more internet porn, no free downloading of pirated movies or music, and for me personally the most devastating will be the loss of LOLCatz. Recent highly public vulnerabilities against the core routing infrastructure of the Internet, such as the DNS or BGP vulnerabilities, highlight what some already knew – we have built an industry on an inherently weak foundation and these are clearly the first signs of the apocalypse.

The eventual end was prophesied in the 16th century by Nostradamus in his 15th quatrain

At the great battle of Armageddon
Shall join the crusade through packets attached among the Internets
The pertanious army of God against the army of the evil Serpent
The Dragon shall be loosened on October third in the year two-thousand and twelve

And written in the book of Revelations 9:13-17

13 And the sixth security researcher disclosed, and we heard a voice from the four horns of defcon, twitter, blogs, and the media which is before the Internets

14 Saying to the sixth security researcher which had disclosed irresponsibly, Loose the four exploits which had been bound in the great vulnerability disclosure debate

15 And the four exploits were loosed, which were prepared for an hour, and a day, and a month, and a year, for to slay the whole of the Internets

16 And the number of the army of the exploiters were twenty six hundred: and I heard the number of them

17 And thus I saw the exploits in the vision, and them that executed them, having code of buffer overflows, and of impersonation, and redirection: and the heads of the exploiters were green as the land; and out of their mouths issued forth demon tongues that spat an indistinguishable language of number and letters – urtehsuk!

It is far more likely that nothing will happen and by 2012 we will deploy converged technologies that allow one to bank online, listen to Britney’s daughters new album “Freaknut”, write their blog, program their HVAC, and toast a bagel from their wirst watch, of course some 15 year old Chinese kid with acne, an anti-social disposition and advanced computer skills will now be able to burn toast from across the world.

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