Chinese Government to Ban All US-Based Technology Companies and Products

Beijing, China – April 1, 2010 – The Chinese government announced that effective immediately all US based technology firms and associated products and services will be banned from all Chinese government and state-run agency IT environments. The ban is expected to include critical infrastructure, such as military, finance, utilities, and healthcare as well as education, retail and manufacturing companies.

According to government officials China plans to provide significant investment and state funded incentives to drive a massive wave of technical innovation. Insiders have also hinted that much of the foundational funding will be delivered through the $1 trillion of US bonds the Chinese government currently controls.

“President Obama and his government continue to accuse the Chinese government of cyber attacks, human rights violations and intellectual property theft, of course they fail to recognize that they can’t even balance a checkbook so anything they say should really be questioned” said Wen Jiabao, Chinese premier  “We have lent a huge amount of money to the U.S. Of course we are concerned about the safety of our assets. To be honest, I am definitely a little worried, especially in light of the inability for the US government to properly secure their critical infrastructure, so we are really looking to divest as much out of the corrupt, insecure and completely dysfunctional US economy as possible”

Chinese and Indian government officials also announced a joint development partnership to facilitate cross country innovation, which would also undermine the US technology labor force which is highly reliant on labor, outsourcing and services delivered from both India and China. “China is quickly becoming the world’s most powerful economic superpower and we simply cannot allow our growth to be impeded by the poor development practices, shoddy design and lack of security controls inherent in all commercial products and services delivered by US companies.” said Hu Jintao, General Secretary of the Communist Party of China. “By leveraging the same brain trust that the US has relied on, namely the massive Chinese and Indian workforce, we are well positioned to become the pre-eminent technology super power within 2-3 years – oh and screw you Google”

US government officials were unavailable for comment, however one high-ranking member of President Obamas administration said “What the hell just happened, the US is screwed, this is not the change we were looking for…”