Gartner DOES have a sense of humor – sometimes

Greg Young (here) and John Pescatore (here) have started blogging on the Gartner Blogging network and many of the posts are both enlightening and humorous, such as this post from Greg Young on how to get rich from network security (here) – about time Grumpy and the Bear got a sense of humor 😉

Get a glass jar or empty coffee can and a marker.

Write on the container in bold letters “Security Silly Jar: $0.25”.

Have people put a quarter in the Security Silly jar every time they say:

  1. ‘UTM’ and ‘Enterprise’ in the same sentence.
  2. in fact, anytime they same UTM.
  3. Manage and Threat in the same sentence.  Besides from solving security by becoming the world overlord of hackers and natural events, you could get a sweet triple quarter win with the first 3 on this list.  The Security Silly Jar is cruel and unforgiving.
  4. the security market will converge and we’ll all be buying from SingleBigSecCo.  Yes yes – pay no attention to the hundreds of security companies. <achoo!>  Oh look – one security company was bought and three new ones were announced when I sneezed!
  5. network and host security will converge.
  6. when discussing security, any two of the following in the same sentence: green, virtual, cloud, as-a-service, Moore’s Law, stealth-mode, holistic, market-leading, commodity, transformative, game-changer, quantum, or plug-and-play.
  7. they are creating a new security buying center.  Um, I bet there is no budget for that…
  8. no-one uses IPS for blocking.  If that were the case, all those people want that annual spend of $1B back.
  9. software can’t be secure.  Could you please at least try….
  10. security education is the best safeguard.
  11. we only need to rely on host security because the perimeter is changed/disappeared/a-budget-I-as-a-host-security-salesperson-want-to-go-after.  I will pay you a quarter from the Security Silly Jar if you connect your HR/payroll server to the Internet without any network safeguards.  Hackers will however charge you more to get it back.
  12. anything bad about Gartner security analyst Greg Young.

See you in the Bahamas.

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2 thoughts on “Gartner DOES have a sense of humor – sometimes

  1. You set a high bar with “You never go full virtual”.

    Only you thought I had a sense of humor when you were here, Amrit. Or at least that is what you meant when you said you humored me.

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